Would anyone like to buy a second hand butler?
I’ve decided to sell my 98 year old butler Jenkins, the oaf of a man has gone to far this time. Having told him this morning to make sure all the clocks at Rotter manor go back this weekend I set off the day to drink gin at my club. I have just returned to the manor to find the grandfather clock in the main hall missing along with every other timepiece. On quizzing Jenkins about this he cheerfully told me he had packed up and posted off all the clocks in the manor back to Harrods early to catch the post.
On seeing my face become bright red and moustache twitch with rage. He realised his faux pas and threw himself at my feet begging for mercy (which was not forth coming) As a result of this and other gaffs I am putting him up for sale.
One butler 98, over 6000 horse-whippings on the clock, may need so renovation. Shall we begin the bidding at a case of gin?
Ok, Old Chap, THREE cases of Bombay Sapphire and that’s my limit, as for Jenkins, he’ll go to my favourite charity, it’s a home for ageing horses that are too old to hunt, they need a stable boy there to muck out the stables and feed the nags, he could look after a couple of dozen boxes, I’m sure. Just think how good you’ll feel if he is put out to pasture in this way, fresh air and a healthy way of life, lot’s of exercise he should feel a new man in no time! It would add to your philanthropic reputation no end, Pip Pip, you old Bugger!
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